Last updated on October 23rd, 2023
Inside: Mom’s nightly bedtime routine is so crucial. We talk a lot about routines for our littles – especially when it comes to bedtime. But what about mom? Having a rock solid routine is just as important for you! Find out how to create one in this post.
Mom’s Bedtime Routine is Often Neglected
It’s funny that we work so hard to establish a flawless bedtime routine for our children, but we sort of neglect to remember that mom needs one too.
When I first became a mom, I would spend my evenings zoning out, snacking, and staying up way too late once my baby went to bed. These evening habits were not serving me well, but I always felt so burnt out by the end of the day, that I just needed to veg out for hours on end.
How To Break the Neglect Cycle
I talk a lot about this feeling that most moms experience in my post about morning habits that help moms feel motivated and happy (you won’t want to miss it!).
Essentially, the idea is, that when you allow yourself to become depleted each day, you feel the need to make up for it by zoning out, eating junk food, and staying up too late.
The key to solving this is making sure your cup is filled all day long (and I’m not referring to coffee here!). I’m talking about your metaphorical cup. You cannot pour into your family’s cups if yours is empty. And you cannot stay happy with an empty cup.
If you’re struggling badly in this department – check out my daily mom and toddler routine post that breaks it all down for you on how to build a daily schedule that fits in YOU time as well as engagement time with your children so that you feel less burnt out each day.
Setting Boundaries for Yourself
One of the big eye opening moments I had in early motherhood was realizing that I set all sorts of boundaries for my child – whether that be limiting screen time, offering healthy meals and limiting sweets, or adhering to a strict bedtime each day, but I had ZERO boundaries for myself.
I was spending way too much time on social media, not eating enough nutrient dense meals, and staying up super late while sleeping in until the last minute. I realized that these habits were negatively affecting my overall mental and physical well-being and decided to make a complete lifestyle change.
If you are struggling with your habits, I highly recommend reading the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. He explains in detail the science behind habits and how to change your mindset to make good habits stick and eliminate the negative ones. I was so blown away by this book and how effective his method is!
Building an Evening Routine
Anyways, I knew that my evening routine needed a major overhaul so that I could stay on track with my goals. So I slowly built this bedtime routine into my evenings and I want to share my method with you.
1. Pick a bedtime for yourself
First things first, you need to figure out what bedtime will allow you to get at least 8 hours of sleep and make it your number one goal to stick to this bedtime each night.
For me, I set alarms on my phone that automatically go off every day. I have one at 10PM that says ‘Begin Bedtime Routine’ and another at 11PM that says, ‘Bedtime’. Having this reminder alert every day helps me stick to my bedtime better.
I go over how to figure our your best bedtime and waketime in my daily routine post, so check it out before you move on to the next step.
2. Decide what to prep the night before
Next, decide which things can be done the night before each night to help your days run smoother. This can be different for everyone but can include:
- packing lunches and/or snacks
- laying out clothes for you and/or your kids
- packing bookbags
- starting the dishwasher
- setting up crafts/activities
- creating post-it notes for to-do list reminders
- prepping bottles or nursing supplies
- gathering ingredients/supplies for meal prep
- especially if doing a morning crockpot!
- packing the diaper bag
These are all things that can help save you time the following day. Now, I want to mention that you can totally build these tasks into your afternoon or early evening. I just find that it’s easier to do some of these things kid-free and that afternoons/early evenings can be a hectic time in the household, between getting everyone fed, bathed, and to bed.
I strictly try to avoid doing tasks during naptime as this is my ME time each day and I recommend the same for you! Naptime is a great time to recharge midway through your day and get you through till bedtime.
So choose which things to do the night before that your future self will thank you for and go to step 3.
3. Figure out how long prepping the night before takes
Once you decide which things would help your morning flow by being done the night before, figure out how long you’ll need for these tasks. For me, it’s about 15-30 minutes, just depending on the day.
Personally, I like to:
- prep snacks
- prep toddler cups + put in fridge
- start the dishwasher
- lay out my clothes
- set up crafts/activities
I never used to prep snacks the night before, but due to pregnancy complications, I’ve found that I absolutely need to have a protein-packed snack and tons of water when I wake up before I even get out of bed. So I prep this the night before and my husband brings it up to our room each morning for me.
I also like to make at least one other snack for our day – typically the mid-morning snack – as I’m usually pretty busy in the morning and it helps to just grab this from the fridge and serve it when it’s snack time. Otherwise, I find myself choosing pre-packaged unhealthy options.
It sounds a little silly because it literally takes 1 minute, but I like to fill my toddler’s fresh water and milk cups and stick them in the fridge. I just love being able to open the fridge and hand him a cup of water without any work involved.
My non-negotiable night time task is starting the dishwasher. It’s so helpful to begin your morning with clean dishes and an empty dishwasher before breakfast.
Laying out my clothes for the following day saves me a step in the morning and takes the guesswork out of what to wear when my brain is still foggy from waking up.
We do structured crafts or activities twice a week and I find it helpful to prep these the night before without my toddler present. Whether that be laying out Kraft paper and paints at our table or putting together a sensory bin and tucking it away until activity time. It helps hold us accountable for doing fun stuff together by having it already laid out.
4. Decide how to unwind each night right before bed
Think about ways you can unwind RIGHT before bed each night and jot down some of these ideas to help you build an immediately-before-bed routine. This can be different for everyone but can include:
- putting on cozy pjs
- taking off your makeup
- a quick shower or bath
- a foot soak
- a hot wash cloth on your face
- a face mask
- putting lotion on
- doing some easy stretches
- journaling for a couple of minutes
- laying down with a heating pad or ice pack on your back
This routine doesn’t have to be super elaborate – it just needs to be effective at getting you to unwind and relax before bed each night.
5. Figure out how long unwinding takes each night
Figure out how long this process takes as well.
For me, I like to:
- take off my makeup
- put on pjs
- journal for a couple of minutes
- catch up with my husband about our days / share pictures
- read
I’ve found that I need about an hour or a minimum of 30-45 minutes. It takes me a while to shut my brain off and truly relax from the day. For you, it might be a lot shorter.
6. Determine your bedtime timeline
You’ll already have your kid’s bedtime figured out, so once you figure out your bedtime, your prep-for-the-next-day time, and your unwind time – that’ll leave you with how much extra time you have for binging the latest show on Netflix or scrolling through social media on your phone.
So put all of your timeframes together and draft your bedtime routine timeline. This is going to be your boundary. These are the times you should make it a goal to stick to in order to feel your best and have a smooth day.
My routine looks a little like this:
| Time | Mom’s Bedtime Routine |
| 8:00PM | toddler bedtime |
| 8:00-9:30PM | TV/social media/whatever time |
| 9:30-10:00PM | prep stuff for tomorrow |
| 10:00-11:00PM | unwind routine |
| 11:00PM | bedtime |
| 7:00AM | mom wakes up |
For me, I know that I have 1 1/2 hours of true ‘zone out’ time in my evenings, whereas before, without any boundary, I’d binge TV for hours on end until I crawled into bed.
I thought that cutting back on this time would feel awful, but I was honestly really surprised at how quickly I adapted to this new boundary I set for myself, and how OK I was with saying, ‘okay, it’s 9:30 – time to shut off the TV and prep snacks now’.
So if you’re doubtful, like I was, just give it a try for awhile and see how you feel! I’ll bet you feel better with it.
7. Set your bedroom atmosphere
So you now know your basic bedtime routine timeline, but what about the ACTUAL routine part of it?
When it comes to your unwind routine, one really crucial step is creating a super relaxing and cozy atmosphere the moment you step into your bedroom.
This is something that will feel different for everyone, but here are some ideas:
- play an audiobook, podcast, or light relaxing music
- turn on a candle warmer or essential oil diffuser
- dim the lights
- buy the coziest bedding, pillows, and pjs
- turn OFF all phones / social media / notifications
You really want to make it your goal to have your bedroom be your relaxing oasis. I always think of the five senses when creating a relaxing atmosphere:
- smell (essential oil)
- sight (dim lights)
- sound (audiobook)
- touch (soft bedding and pjs)
- taste (freshly brushed clean teeth)
For me, I dim the lights, plug in my essential oil diffuser, turn on my audiobook, and put on cozy pjs. I instantly feel relaxed when doing this. The audiobook helps me turn my brain off from the day’s stresses and everything else helps me get nice and sleepy.
8. Set boundaries with your phone
Once I’m in my room, the phone gets plugged in and it doesn’t get touched. No more checking social media, replying to texts and notifications, or scrolling through Pinterest. This is a tough one, because I know everyone is pretty addicted to their phones – but it’s SO crucial for a relaxing bedtime routine. It takes discipline, but is so worth it.
A few tips for disengaging from your phone:
- set a boundary of when you put it down
- turn off notifications
- put it on silent
- plug it in across the room
Sometimes just simply setting the boundary for yourself of ‘I am done on my phone starting at 10pm’ is enough to never touch it again.
But it doesn’t hurt to add other tactics in, such as turning off social media and mail notifications. Just not seeing the little red icon or double ping text alert is enough to get it out of your head and prevent you from reaching for it.
Lastly, muting your phone or plugging it in across the room from your bed can help as well – out of sight out of mind.
9. Spend part of your unwind routine connecting with your spouse
During my unwind period, I like to spend a chunk of that time just talking with my husband. We use this time to talk more about our day or the following day, or just whatever! My husband and I always like to swap photos and videos of our son and it’s nice to spend this time connecting together.
Our 8-9:30 block is often used to kind of zone out and so we don’t do a whole lot of catching up at that time. So this kid-free time to communicate with each other is so helpful for us to connect.
10. Don’t be afraid to readjust
If you build your routine and realize that parts of it aren’t working – readjust! Nothing has to be set in stone. I’ve adjusted my schedule a handful of times.
For example, I used to add stretching and a heating pad into my unwind routine while I was in physical therapy for my pelvic joint issues – but it’s no longer as necessary for me – so I eliminated it.
I also never used to prep snacks the night before, but now that I’m hugely pregnant and wake up feeling yucky most mornings, it’s helpful to have this task completed upon waking up, so I added it into my routine.
So be flexible and really build a routine that suits YOUR needs the most, in the moment you are in now. As life goes on, change things to fit your needs.
Wrap It Up
I hope that these tips help you create a sustainable bedtime routine for yourself, because a structured bedtime routine really can make a huge difference in how you feel. Your bedtime directly affects how your following morning and day will play out, so it is crucial to have a rock-solid routine each night.
If you need help troubleshooting your schedule or have any bedtime routine tips to share, please don’t hesitate to comment below or message me on Instagram or via email! I’d love to hear from you.
If you’re looking for more mom tips, check out this page for other ideas! I also share lots of mom tips on my Instagram so be sure to follow along.
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