Postpartum: 5 Things Nobody Told Me

Last updated on March 6th, 2024

Preparing For Postpartum

I scoured the internet before my son was born, absorbing each postpartum article and fact that I could find like a sponge to water. This is because I wanted to know exactly what to expect and how best to be prepared for what lay ahead.

Admittedly, I was very nervous about the fourth trimester, because like most other pregnant women, I was being fed horror stories about the awful things to come by anyone that had given birth in their life.

Postpartum Fears

Isn’t it frustrating how everyone’s got ‘advice’ and terrible stories to share as soon as you announce your pregnancy? I wish this practice would just stop. Horror stories about birth and postpartum do nothing but fuel fear and worry in expecting mamas. We can instead talk about how empowering birth can be and about all the beautiful and amazing things moms-to-be will experience in the upcoming months. End rant.

Anyways… back on topic… I am a knowledge seeker when it comes to a subject I am unfamiliar with. I learn best by gathering all the facts and information that I can about a topic; it is how I gain confidence in something that is new to me. So it was a given that I would read as much as I could about postpartum to help ease my fears.

My Postpartum Experience Differed From What I Read About

But once I had gone through the fourth trimester myself, I noticed there was still a lot nobody told me about that I had to learn on my own. Sure, there were plenty of articles about homemade ‘padsicles’ and engorgement remedies, but there wasn’t a whole lot out there about what it feels like to go through the fourth trimester, other than discussing the lack of sleep and physical pain your body will endure.

Most postpartum articles talk all about symptoms and facts, but they don’t necessarily cover what things feel like. 

And processing our feelings throughout the fourth trimester is just as important towards the healing process as caring for our bodies is. So I wanted to share a few of my insights with you, in hopes that it may shed some light on the postpartum period that you may experience.

1. Your baby isn’t the only one born during delivery

I know that sounds weird, but really, your baby isn’t the only one born in the delivery room. You, as a mother, are also born. Because at the precise moment your baby is placed into your arms, you are never going to be the same person again.

You will forever be changed. And that’s okay.

Transformation Into A Mama Bear

The transformation that took place within me was surprising and immediate. I had changed in ways that I had never dreamed of. I had, overnight, become this fiercely protective and completely selfless mama bear.

Gone were the days of worrying about trivial ‘me’ things. Every single one of my thoughts was now centered around my son. I could care less about waking in the night to feed him in those early newborn days; I was just proud as hell for the opportunity to be doing so.

The little person placed in my arms had captured my soul so entirely, and I knew right away that I would do absolutely anything for him. This knowledge made me feel strong. Nobody on this Earth could stand in the way of the mama bear that I now was, but I had to learn to cope with these new intense feelings.

Your Fierce Protective Instincts

I remember being surprised at how quickly I would swoop in to protect my son from any supposed threat (real or imagined) or how directly I could now say no to obligations that didn’t align with my family’s best interests (like work). Also, I could stand up for things that I believed in in relation to my parenting beliefs or in advocating for my son, without even batting an eye.

This new me wasn’t timid or afraid of confrontation and I liked this new version of myself; I was in awe of her strength and resilience. Yet, there was sometimes this part of me that felt a little guilty for having such a one-track mind and putting my family first, because that sometimes meant confrontation or arguments with people I once saw eye-to-eye with and cared about.

Physical Postpartum Changes

Physically, you will never be the same after experiencing pregnancy and birth. I will always have stretch marks on the front of my belly. My breasts will never quite be the same after nursing my son for 15 months. My back and pelvic joints will likely always cause me some amount of discomfort.

But I would do it again and again if it meant having my son.

Because I will be completely honest with you here, I have NEVER ever been more proud of my body then the day I delivered my son. I will forever be in awe of the way my body grew, carried, delivered, and then sustained my son for 15 months.

Whenever I feel down about the way my new body looks or how my new body feels, I pause and I appreciate the wonderful things it has done. When I feel afraid about something, I remind myself how I was a warrior in that delivery room bringing my son into this world and it always calms my fears.

And over time, you learn to love your new strong and brave body all over again and in different ways. I wear my tiger stripes proudly now, because this body gave me my son. My old body may have been smooth and flat and blemish free, but it never accomplished half of what this new battle scarred body has.

2. You will sweat more than you ever thought  possible

OK, this isn’t a feeling, but it is a symptom worth mentioning because most articles don’t cover it. I know that I can’t be alone in experiencing this, so I’m surprised I didn’t stumble across anything about this when I was preparing for postpartum.

The amount of sweat that I produced in those first few months, my goodness! I remember waking up absolutely drenched in full body sweats for months after my son was born. I felt so disgusting. I’ve since read that this is a result of your hormone levels dropping after pregnancy, but I don’t at all remember reading about this before birth.

I was surprised by my sweaty nights, because I am normally such a freeze baby, but during those first few months, I’d sleep in next to nothing and still sweat profusely.

At the hospital, it was the worst. I kept begging my husband to turn down the air the whole time. At one point, I realized all my visitors had their winter coats on. They thought I was completely nuts wearing only a thin robe and begging them to turn the air down some more. It was so bizarre for me to feel like this, not like me at all.

At home, months into my fourth trimester, I remember waking up one super sweaty morning and telling my husband that between the sweat and leaking boobs we would have to burn our sheets when this was all over.

3. Postpartum rage is a thing and it can happen months later

I read up on postpartum depression warning signs and postpartum anxiety prior to my son’s birth because I just felt like it was something that I could see happening to me. I internalize a lot and I am a worrier by nature. So I wanted to be aware of what to look out for so that I could seek medical care, if needed.

But somehow, I missed the whole bit about postpartum rage. I’ve since read that it is often connected to PPD and/or PPA.

I would absolutely blow up and lose my mind over the weirdest and smallest things. Later, I would often find myself wondering, “oh no, what in the world did I just say to my husband?”. My temper felt like a ticking time bomb.

I know that my reactions weren’t always warranted. My husband was always an extremely supportive and attentive partner, so I couldn’t even tell you what would make me lose it, just that it would happen with increasing regularity as the months wore on at the most bizarre things. Or sometimes I wouldn’t necessarily blow up, but I’d just have these pent up feelings of anger and resentment.

I remember just kind of realizing it one day and just sitting there thinking, “hmmm… this isn’t my normal. This isn’t our normal. What is wrong here?”. After far too long, I finally sought out a therapist and will forever be grateful for that decision. It only took a handful of sessions for things to feel normal again. I cannot recommend reaching out for professional help enough for anyone experiencing moods that aren’t characteristically like you.

4. The idea of going back to work might be  worse than childbirth itself

This one was the hardest for me. Being a first time mom, I had no idea what to expect. I didn’t have it all figured out prior to maternity leave. Sure, I had day care lined up, but in the back of my head, I didn’t love the idea and I had concerns about it.

But I had absolutely no idea how strongly I would come to feel about this once my baby was in my arms and how that feeling would grow stronger every day that I spent with him.

This is not a feeling you can predict or even begin to imagine until you are in that moment and staring at your baby’s sweet sleeping face.

Going Back To Work Options

Near the end of my maternity leave, I visited our chosen daycare with my son so that I could see how he would do and what it was like again. It took everything in me to hold it together during that visit. Honestly, I could not picture myself leaving him there with all those strangers all day long.

When I think about that day, I remember coming home and nursing him to sleep and just sobbing while holding him. I was crushed at the idea of leaving him. It did not feel like something that would ‘get better with time’ or go away. I was already mad and jealous at these strangers that were going to be spending more time with my son than me.

I physically felt ill over the idea of leaving him with complete strangers.

That night, when my husband got off work, I told him, “I would rather live in a cardboard box than leave our son all day’”. And that was that. We took a big financial risk and asked my work for part-time hours.

I traded my sought after day shift for night shift so that one of us was always home with our son. It wasn’t an easy decision and it does mean I have less time with my husband each week, but it is a decision that I’m happy with. Ultimately, I wanted to be the one raising our son.

I realize now that my son would have been absolutely fine in daycare (and honestly, he would have had so much fun and made so many friends by now) and I know that over time, I would be okay with it. But I’m adding this to my list in hopes that somebody else isn’t as panicked at their sudden change of heart, like we were. It was such a last minute scramble to get things in order for staying home part-time. It was an added stress to maternity leave that we didn’t need.

5. Maternity leave can be one of the most  enjoyable times of your first year of motherhood

I know there are some moms who can’t wait to get back to work or back to their normal routine after having a baby, and that is totally fine! We are all wired to parent so differently and it is what makes us unique. But for me, I could have stayed in my maternity leave bubble forever.

Initially, I was super nervous to be home alone with my son. What if I needed something or I didn’t know what to do? What if he started crying and didn’t stop? All the things that run through our heads as first time moms. But those thoughts proved to be silly. I quickly gained confidence in my mothering skills and started to enjoy our alone time. It truly is such a crucial period for mom and baby to bond. I know these feelings of uncertainty are normal, and I promise that if you are feeling this way too, you will do wonderful and gain your footing in no time.

Maternity Leave Can Be Fun

We got lucky with timing; my maternity leave coincided with the beginning of spring and summer (my favorite time of year). We got to go on morning stroller rides together every single day. I remember getting out early to go on stroller rides and stopping to nurse him on park benches while watching the sun rise high into the sky. We’d watch the birds greet the day and just sit and enjoy the quiet. I’d watch the passing of cars – all the neighbors commuting to work – and I’d think, “ha ha! Look at them having to do real adulty things while we get to walk in the sun and snuggle all day”. It felt like our private little joke.

I loved living in our little bubble. It felt like it was just us that existed there.

During maternity leave, we would nap in bed together every single afternoon. Is there anything sweeter than waking up to your baby snuggled up against you on a warm afternoon? I would wake up and watch him continue sleeping and just marvel at his tiny little wrinkly toes and wonder, ‘how did I get so lucky?’. I wish I could capture the smell of newborn baby breath and bottle it up.

Spend Your Maternity Leave Exactly How You Want

My point is, create for yourself the maternity leave you want. If you want to stay snuggled in bed everyday in sweats and no makeup, girl, do it! If you want to get dressed and head out to cafes and shops to show off your perfect baby, have at it. Maybe you want to go on a lot of family adventures or meet up with girlfriends that will oooh and ahhh over baby. Whatever you envision for yourself, make it happen. Just make the best of your time together and spend it how you want.

I still look back on those days with fond memories. Mostly we stayed shut in the house snuggling in PJs or going on walks in the park, but it’s exactly how I wanted it to be. I just wanted private time to get to know each other. After all, that’s a huge part of what maternity leave is, bonding and learning together.

Postpartum is Fleeting

I know that when we decide to have our second baby, my maternity leave experience will be quite different as I will have a toddler running around the house. And I’m sure there will be new worries, fears, and challenges to overcome. But there will also be new and different sweet moments between my son and his one day younger sibling. And there will be small private moments with just me and the new baby too.

I just want to end by saying, don’t fear postpartum. Of course there will be challenges to overcome and you will need to learn a whole lot, but you will do great. You absolutely are made to be your baby’s mom and nobody else can do it like you can. You will find your new normal and while you are busy learning and growing into your role, remember to give yourself all the grace you deserve and try to enjoy this short time in your motherhood.

Pregnant mamas, what fears or worries do you have about the postpartum period? Experienced mamas, what was your favorite part of maternity leave? If you enjoyed this post, check out my post about Keeping Your Marriage Together Postpartum.